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The Value of Anger

Posted by on Jun 21, 2011 in Uncategorized | 2 comments

The Value of Anger

  It may seem a little strange at first to think of Anger as valuable, but if you look a little closer…it makes sense.  When you feel angry it is usually in response to a situation where you feel that your needs or wants are being sacrficed/denied.  For many women this feeling naturally goes from anger straight to sadness or defeat.  It is often such a quick transition that the woman may not even recognize that she was ever angry. This reflexive sadness is a way that women try to preserve relationships by avoiding conflict. In fact...

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The unimportance of being right

Posted by on Jun 8, 2011 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

The unimportance of being right

Most of the time when I see couples for counseling it is because they have somehow gotten trapped in a vicious cycle of arguing. One partner says something that sets the other one off, the aggravated partner responds by getting defensive and hurling back an equally hurtful comment. This comment serves to escalate the conflict… and before you know it, it’s off to the races to see who can better prove their point/position. Does this sound familiar? When we get into an argument with someone we’re close to it is easy to be...

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When is it okay to “vent”?

Posted by on May 6, 2011 in Uncategorized | 1 comment

When is it okay to “vent”?

  I often hear people say ” I need to vent,” which usually means they want to blow of steam, let it all out and just get all the negativity out of their system. This can be useful in counseling, especially if it is about something that has be suppressed for a long time. Counseling is the one place where it is acceptable to vent. There is also a point at which it comes maladaptive and destructive. By fixating on anger, frustration and negative details about a situation it can become extremely difficult to see anything positive...

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The value of the female perspective

Posted by on Apr 10, 2011 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

The value of the female perspective

  In the past few weeks several women have come to my office for help with their romantic relationships. They are frustrated, sad, disappointed and often at the end of their rope. This is pretty common, as most people don’t seeking counseling unless they are distressed or unhappy. But recently I’ve encountered a recurring theme with these women that has been particularly disappointing to me, as both a professional counselor and a person. Their problem is (according to these women): ” I am having problems being rational...

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New twist on Feminism

Posted by on Mar 11, 2011 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

New twist on Feminism

Reiventing Feminism Often when I use the word feminism or make reference to feminist beliefs I get awkward pauses in  casual conversation or puzzled looks  from the people I am speaking with. For many people when they think of feminism the old-school images (in slang sometimes referred to as “Fem-Nazis”) of masculine, aggressive, angry women (that are focused exclusively on how much they don’t need men), come to mind. I find my self saddened and frustrated about these misconceptions..,, In the video above Courtney...

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Defining Love

Posted by on Mar 1, 2011 in Uncategorized | 1 comment

Defining Love

We recently celebrated the most romantic holiday of the year: Valentine’s Day. As the holiday came about I had several people ponder, in session, if they are a relationship with a partner that they can truly love for a lifetime. Many people spoke of the positive qualities of their partner; how much they appreciate them and the ways they have fun together. As I took this information in I began to recall the three elements that combine to create/define Consummate (all encompassing) love. According toSternberg (author of “The...

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5 Types of Stress Related to Planning a Wedding

Posted by on Jan 23, 2011 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

5 Types of Stress Related to Planning a Wedding

 When planning a wedding you’re likely to experience a whirlwind of emotions; excitement, elation, joy, anxitey and stress. American culture focuses exclusively on the updside of getting married, but the truth is that along with the happiness comes alot of work and some natural anxiety. Getting married means transitioning from your current (single) identity, to a combined identity (as a married couple). Here are the 5 types of stress you are most likely to encounter while planning your wedding: 1.) Money related stress- According to...

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From Engagment to Marriage: the important changes

Posted by on Jan 17, 2011 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

From Engagment to Marriage: the important changes

Engagement is something that our culture celebrates and endorses as a time of bliss, excitement and joy. When joining lives there are many things to celebrate; a new future, begining a new identity and joining another family. What is often down played and suppressed by our society is the other side of getting married. Marriage involved many transitions, some of which can be stressful and even sad. Married life is different that single life; even for people that co-habitate. There are three major differences for individuals after...

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The importance of Premarital Counseling

Posted by on Jan 12, 2011 in Uncategorized | 13 comments

The importance of Premarital Counseling

  Premarital Counseling is a way for engaged couples to learn more about themselves, their partners, and their relationship before they are married. It usually consists of about 5-8, 50 minute couples counseling sessions with a therapist. Many of these therapists uses personality or temperament tests to help educate couples on how their personality work both together in harmony and against each other in conflict.   I know, most couples that are starry-eyed and in love don’t have any desire to hear about each other’s (or...

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Go Big or Go Home

Posted by on Jan 7, 2011 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

I have heard the phrase “Go Big or Go Home” many times, often in reference to sports or work. But, I think it applies to many aspects of life, particularly LOVE. When we share our lives with others; partners, children, parents, and friends, there is nothing more important with than our relationships. By giving attention and intention to our relationships we can enhance all aspects of our lives. So, my thoughts as we begin 2011 are: when you love someone- Go Big or Go Home. ...

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